A Cowboy King

you don’t have to read it…something i just remembered about.

alright how do i put this into context…

so freshman year i remember sitting in my science class on the first day of school…no one was talking because it was the first day at a new school. we all sat there quietly and i pretty much was just focusing on the new girls i was going to be able to go after for the next four years i am here for.

this blonde girl walks into class and i was like damnnnnn. she was so pretty. she definitely left the biggest impression on me that day. but i wasn’t going to talk to her, no not me, talking is over-rated.

so…i joined the cross country team a week later and i found out that she was on the girls team. surprisingly. i was like ok what is a girl like her doing on the cross country team. anyways we still didn’t talk.

i don’t know how but i became friends with this other girl on the girls cross country team who became friends with this girl in my science class that i was crushing over.

at one of the meets i was chilling with the guy when i heard someone call my name and i turned around and it was the girl in my science class sitting with the other girl i was friends with. she asked me if i had the science homework and so i went over there and we began talking. it’s kind of weird to even think that i had bigger balls back then to go and talk to this girl.

oh wait i just remembered how i became friends with that other girl. it was during my first meet and the guys and girls junior varsity teams ran during the same race. and she finished right ahead of me and told me i did pretty good. (which i didn’t)

so anyways i was actually talking with this girl in my science class and realized that this girl is very…what’s the word for someone who is very strong-minded about their thoughts and not very emotional at all? that was her. she would joke around with me a lot and make fun of little things that i would do all in good humor though because she just didn’t really care and i didn’t either.

so yeah we pretty much became friends and i liked her a lot. and by this time all of the guys that i was on the team with knew i liked her and would make comments to me every time she would come around.

it was the first home meet after school and so i was just looking forward to spending time with her. i finished my race and went over to her and asked her how her race was and she told me about how she never finished it because she ended up puking. and she was laughing about it and all. but she was fine. just something that happens to runners.

so i was chilling with her and the other girl we were both friends with on some grass hill by the middle school that was next to us. and the girl we were both friends with knew i liked her too.

haha i remember how when we were talking about this boy that our friend we were with liked and i wouldn’t tell them about how the guy didn’t like her back and so the girl i liked then did some weird martial arts move on me and pinned me to the grass and she was chilling with her legs spread out while she was on my waist and she ripped grass up and shoved it in my mouth…so hot. i then told them about the guy.

now i’m with this girl that i like and i’m just chilling with her and i didn’t know how to tell her that i like her. i was giving her little hints about how i liked someone and she kept begging me to tell her…but it was really her.

and every time i would talk with her i couldn’t look at her eyes for more than 2 seconds because they just broke me down…she has nice eyes.

she told me how she hates it when guys can’t look a girl in the eyes when they talk and so i would start looking her directly in the eyes when i would talk and she would look back it was just like…hallelujah that felt fucking amazing…

i got a text from my sister and my dad that they were at the school to pick me up. we we’re walking back to where everyone was and i was saying goodbye to them and she asked me one more time who i liked…

these were the longest 3 seconds of my life. time slowed down i just remember how i turned around and i looked her directly in the eyes i froze for an instant…i looked at our friend who we we’re with who was in back of her and mouthed the words, “tell her!!” and i just looked back at her, turned around and walked to the car.

another great example of how i pussied the fuck out. where would i have been if i had just told her that i liked her?

the story doesn’t end there.

the next meet we had. i was running in my race turning onto the last portion of it. she was standing over by the cones cheering for me and telling me to not be a bitch. i finished the race and i walked over to her and our friend again.

she told me she knew i liked her and she just wanted to hear me say it myself. i told her why if you already know. she told me she just wants to hear it from me. i still didn’t tell her but yeah i was sitting down with her and our friend and then my friend from the guys team came and sat with us.

she brought it up again about how she just wants to hear me say it and i said no you already know. then both her, our other friend, and my friend from the guys team just started bitching at me and told me to just say it…

it got quiet and i scratched the back of my head and just said the words, “ok, i…like…you.” 

“was that so hard!”

it was a relief but then later on she and our friend told me about how she doesn’t want to go out with me because i’m just not her type and that i was “bony” another word for “too skinny.”

so ever since then i have been trying to gain weight/muscle mass because i hate being this skinny white boy.

we had future encounters and we do both say hi to each other when we see each other in the hallways.

and last summer i was on a charter boat and she was on this smaller boat passing by and she saw me and yelled out, “hi phillllll!!!!!”

oh yeah and she does have this hot accent…just thought i would point that out.

painful memories.

it’s just been weird this past week. one week ago from tomorrow morning i was freaking out all nervous about taking my driver’s test because it really is a big moment in life. needless to say i passed.

so now yesterday after school i went with my dad to the dmv, waited there for 2 hours and i got my drivers license.

also for the past two days i’ve been driving to and from school.

i’m not used to it to be honest. the freedom of it. don’t get me wrong i love having the freedom of it but it just makes me think like wait i can really go drive where ever i want right now and no one will stop me? i can really just leave the house now and go where ever i want to right now?

i can. and it just makes me feel weird.

You know you’re an INFP when you keep scrolling down these tagged INFP posts because you are fascinated by the thought of who you are and want to know more about you…

I Passed My Driver’s Test!

oh my god.

what a day.

i was so nervous waking up i couldn’t eat breakfast. i went down to the sign in at my school and i filled out my evaluation sheet. when the guy from the dmv called me up i stood in front of him waiting while he was doing something. i saw the other evaluation sheets chilling on the table so i asked him if i should put mine there…wrong move.

“HOLD ON A SECOND!! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M WRITING SOMETHING!!!!”

“sorry.”

he was the meanest and the rudest person i have ever met in my life. i was scared shitless but i didn’t let it get to me.

this nice instructor guy that was there gave me a cool water bottle to give to the guy when i walk into the car.

i got into the car and the guy told me, “you know you don’t need to bring me any water.” and i said, “the instructor inside wanted me to bring it to you.” to which he proceeded to throw it in the back…

i adjusted my seat, put on my seat belt, fixed my mirrors. and waited nervously. i handed him my permit for him to scan. he handed me his tablet/laptop thing and told me to sign where it says signature. i never heard this guy say above the line so i started writing underneath the line.

“ABOVE THE LINE!” he screamed at me.

“sorry sir.”

it was the worst signature i have ever written in my life because my hand was shaking and i couldn’t control it.

he asked me if i was ready to go and i said yes i checked everything. he told me where to go and i did it all.

i managed to not get yelled at once on the car ride to the commuter parking lot.

i drove into the commuter parking lot and he told me to back into any spot that is not next to any cars. he didn’t even check if i was between the lines. told me i was good and to drive back to the school.

i almost turned the wrong direction in the parking lot so he yelled at me again…

“THE EXIT IS OVER THERE! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!?!?!”

“sorry sir.”

i was at a stop sign and i couldn’t see traffic coming from my left so i inched out a little more and he once again yelled at me…

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!”

“i couldn’t see traffic to my left so i wanted to inch out a little more.”

(he definitely knew that i had every right to do that. he just liked to yell at people.)

i was driving back to the school and i turned onto the road that the school was on and because it was a school zone the speed limit was 25mph. i was driving 27mph when i heard…

“WHAT IS THE SPEED LIMIT OVER HERE!?!?”

“25.” i said.

“SO WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING?!?!”

“25 sir.”

so yeah he made me slow down all of 2 mph. frankly, i think he did that because i did such a good job on that test that he felt he had to yell at me for the littlest things. he couldn’t find any other faults in my driving. 

i parked the car and i waited there nervously as he was finishing up my evaluation sheet. he said nothing to me just handed me the sheet and i left. i didn’t even look at if i passed or failed until i walked out. saw that i passed and a weight was lifted off of my chest.

as i was walking back into the school my friend was walking into the car. she was very nervous and psyched herself out…she failed.

picking up my license on saturday!

i will definitely remember today for the rest of my life. i don’t even know what this guy’s name was. no one does. the mysterious dmv man.

everyone wish me luck tomorrow because i will be taking my driver’s test!

i am so nervous that nervous is an understatement.

stay tuned.

i’m really nervous this week. my nerves are more tense then they usually are. wanna know why?

this thursday i am taking my driver’s test.

it’s kind of a big deal!

i just want it so bad. it would just give me so much more freedom because that’s all i really want. if i don’t pass i don’t even know what i’ll do.

so yeah i’m real nervous. i’m actually a good driver so what if i choke on the test? will the guy be a jerk? 

questions questions

all to be answered on thursday.

attention everyone…

my most favorite show ever is ending tonight.

House M.D.

i remember chilling on my parents bed with my sister every week and watch them with her.

and now after tonight.

it’s all over.

my life = over.

i was always a weird kid. sure i did stupid things that normal kids do.

i was thinking about all of these kid stuff and what not how teachers and adults would try and make things cute and all for me and other kids…i hated that. i hated being treated like a little kid. i hated all of that cutsy cutsy stuff.

even back then i was more mature than what my age denoted.

alright i really don’t want to hear how my sister got so wasted last night and puked her head off and kissed other girls…making a complete embarrassment out of herself.

it’s even worse how completely oblivious my parents are.

i honestly believe i am more mature than her.

i’m 16 years old but i have the maturity of a 30 year old. give or take.